By ERIC LENKOWITZ
November 7, 2007 -- It took Duane "Dog" Chapman 54 years to figure out what the world has long known - he's not black.
The blond-haired bounty hunter explained last night that he thought his prolific use of the n-word was OK because of a bond he shares with the black community. He said that in the wake of the recent uproar it has caused, "I now learned I'm not black at all.
"I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother. I'm not," Chapman told Fox News Channel's "Hannity & Colmes."
"I didn't really know until three or four days ago what that meant to black people.
"I never realized it is like stabbing a black person in the heart," he said, choking back tears.
The reality show star - whose series has been axed by A&E - came under fire after a profanity-laced tape surfaced last Wednesday on The National Enquirer's Web site, on which he berates his estranged son, Tucker, for dating African-American teacher Monique Shinnery.
Chapman believes Tucker got $15,000 for the tape and speculated he used it for drugs.
In a videotaped interview with the Enquirer, Shinnery said, "I believe that Duane is a racist because I have heard many times what he says about me - not just this one time, but a lot of things he says and a lot of things he does."
Chapman began crying when he saw Shinnery's clip, and said, "I'm so sorry, honey, I'm so sorry. I'm not like that. I'm very sorry."
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Sell out...
When I started reading this, I thought, cool, he's gonna unload on the hypocrisy that makes it ok for black folks to use the "N-word" without any problem.
Instead, he seems to be more concerned about losing his honey pot, better known as his less than entertaining reality show.
You'd think he could have at least got on his worthless son's ass, who supposedly recorded what was supposed to be a private conversation, and sold it to a rag that my dogs are even too good to piss on. Nah... He's just gonna grovel.
More than likely, it's too late. I'm sure A&E will replace DOG with another riveting program, like a cooking show featuring Graham Kerr's and Julia Child's love child.
Peace out...
Before you go any further, read this...
Dictionary.com defines a redneck as:
1. an uneducated white farm laborer, esp. from the South.
2. a bigot or reactionary, esp. from the rural working class.
It goes on to say that redneck is A slang term, usually for a rural white southerner who is politically conservative, racist, and a religious fundamentalist. This term is generally considered offensive. It originated in reference to agricultural workers, alluding to how the back of a person's neck will be burned by the sun if he works long hours in the fields.
While I can't say all that fits me to a tee, a lot of it is pretty damn close.
You see, I lost both my parents before I turned 12 years old. I bounced around in a couple of foster homes before moving in with my uncle when I tuned 15. By age 17, I was on my own. I dropped out of school half way through 11th grade so I could go to work full time. Three months after my 18th birthday, I got behind the wheel of a cab for the first time.
I've learned more about life in 28 years in a hack than any philosopher ever could know. I've had multi-million dollar businessmen, celebrities and pro athletes as well as crack whores, drug dealers and murderers in my cab. I refuse to be an airport jockey or one of those guys that only stages at the hotels, so unfortunately, I have to deal with more of the bottom feeders of life than I do the upper crust.
It is the dealings that I've had the bad apples that has made me what I am today...
The Redneck Cabbie.
You see, to escape the madness of the city streets, my mind drifts off (not while I'm driving) to a quiet country town. A place where everyone knows everyone, and a man's handshake is as binding a contract as a person needs. A place where friends gather to down a couple of cold ones and listen to music that you can actually understand the words.
A place where young men don't walk around with their pants falling down over their ass, and young ladies don't have to dress like sluts to draw a man's attention.
I think you get the picture. I know, boring as whale shit to most city folks. I'd be living in a town just like that if it weren't for the fact that there's just not much demand for my line of work in most small towns.
This blog will reflect these feelings. If I seem a little bitter now and then, its just because that wonderful little town is nowhere in my near future, and because the life expectancy of someone in my line of work doesn't extend much past retirement age, all I can do is dream about it.
1. an uneducated white farm laborer, esp. from the South.
2. a bigot or reactionary, esp. from the rural working class.
It goes on to say that redneck is A slang term, usually for a rural white southerner who is politically conservative, racist, and a religious fundamentalist. This term is generally considered offensive. It originated in reference to agricultural workers, alluding to how the back of a person's neck will be burned by the sun if he works long hours in the fields.
While I can't say all that fits me to a tee, a lot of it is pretty damn close.
You see, I lost both my parents before I turned 12 years old. I bounced around in a couple of foster homes before moving in with my uncle when I tuned 15. By age 17, I was on my own. I dropped out of school half way through 11th grade so I could go to work full time. Three months after my 18th birthday, I got behind the wheel of a cab for the first time.
I've learned more about life in 28 years in a hack than any philosopher ever could know. I've had multi-million dollar businessmen, celebrities and pro athletes as well as crack whores, drug dealers and murderers in my cab. I refuse to be an airport jockey or one of those guys that only stages at the hotels, so unfortunately, I have to deal with more of the bottom feeders of life than I do the upper crust.
It is the dealings that I've had the bad apples that has made me what I am today...
The Redneck Cabbie.
You see, to escape the madness of the city streets, my mind drifts off (not while I'm driving) to a quiet country town. A place where everyone knows everyone, and a man's handshake is as binding a contract as a person needs. A place where friends gather to down a couple of cold ones and listen to music that you can actually understand the words.
A place where young men don't walk around with their pants falling down over their ass, and young ladies don't have to dress like sluts to draw a man's attention.
I think you get the picture. I know, boring as whale shit to most city folks. I'd be living in a town just like that if it weren't for the fact that there's just not much demand for my line of work in most small towns.
This blog will reflect these feelings. If I seem a little bitter now and then, its just because that wonderful little town is nowhere in my near future, and because the life expectancy of someone in my line of work doesn't extend much past retirement age, all I can do is dream about it.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
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